To betray or to be betrayed
by Radiklement
Summary: Rated T for romance, psychology and some insinuation. What Kalas thought as he was with Melodia and Malpercio, for everyone who've been betrayed and still a little sad about it.


This is me again! I'm here for good now, because I really love baten kaitos! And now, I'll give you something with spoiler again, after all, I've beaten the game one time wholly, and the boss two times. I should try again tomorrow. But anyway, what's following here is for everyone who've been betrayed by Kalas one time or more, who've felt terrible about it, stopped the game, or I don't know what. I don't think anyone didn't get frustrated, and I understand, I was one of the first to be angry!

So, this is what happen with Kalas and Melodia, but most of all in Kalas's head, when he was in the imperial castle, in Alfard, while Xhela looked for the others all around the world, in despair, with a desperate guardian spirit. With all my love, hope you'll like it.

To betray or to be betrayed…

To betray or to be betrayed. This is not a choice people can take. Well, not always. I've been thinking over that for a while now. I've already been betrayed. My own grandfather. No, father would be more exact… Shit. He used me. For his experiments. To make Fee. The magnus of life. He let me behind. Never told me. Hid me everything, just in case if they found me. So that I won't say anything. But now I remember. I'm made of a card! If I was in a shop, it would be written on my face, Kalas, made in magnus. And worst, I'm a failure. After knowing that, how could I get further in life? Should I look back, to see where I did something wrong to earn such a miserable existence? Or…

Nothing. Should, could conduct to nothing. It don't help someone being happy. It don't help anyone in life. Past is past and que sera sera. As Gibari said. Old Gibari. The first time I met him, it was like if I've already know him, just a bit. But he had changed. And I've never met him anyway. It wasn't me who know it. It was Selene. She told me one time. Last time. I missed her.

-Kalas? My dear, where are you hiding? Our god need to rest to be whole again. He's almost there, Kalas, almost. We'll make it true. Now, you're as perfect as you always wanted to. Kalas?

Melodia's a brat. Why did I have to end with her, huh? She's selfish, creepy, but still so naive that it makes me want to punch her in the face. And at the same time, I wanna hold her tight. She's my saviour, isn't she? She gave me those white wings that I always dreamt about. But now that I got what I wanted, she's always giving me orders and trying to do stuff. Man, can't she understand I need to be alone? She's so stupid! And she must have tainted me with it. Now, I'm the evil's servant. How did I get that far? With a girl like this that only think about power and sex?

Selene, when you were there, everything was so easy. I could be myself, and it was like having a mother looking after me. A mother who never told me things that I have to do like a real mother does. You were more like a friend. And I was myself. Now… Now it's like if I was two, three people at the same time. Melodia's valet, worst than Fadroh. Malpercio's puppet, a disgrace to everything I've done yet so far to stop that wicked god. And sometimes, the old me. The young man who didn't know what to do after avenging his grandfather and brother, a broken thing, made of a stupid card who'd forget his childhood but still remember the gossips and the pain.

And sometimes, in a flash, I see them. Mizuti, Savyna, Llyude, Gibari. Xhela. I missed them. I missed her. Selene, my spirit, my consciousness, I miss you and it hurts more than everything else! Why can't I be what I wanted to alone? Why did things had to turn this way? I said I wanted it like this, but it's not fair. It's a lie. I want to be with you, Selene. With Xhela. And even the four others.

It's like if I had a family, once again. And when I think about it, the only thing that make me able to bear the burden of having only one wing of the heart, wasn't it to have Fee and Grandfather with me? And now, I look perfect. No more failure. But I'm alone. No more friends.

Does a picture look wonderful in a museum because he's surrounded by other pictures and that every of them are different and yet so nice together that it gave him all his beauty? Does a flower is nicer alone, in a cage, growing between glass walls? Or is it really nice when there's a bunch of flower, not two thousand or I don't know how many, but just, well, a dozen, or ten? Or seven? Or two? Aren't two flowers, growing together looking nicer then one, still perfect, but yet a lonely flower, in a glass cage?

I don't seem to be able to find the truth anymore. I don't hear you anymore. Selene. I didn't think it would be that bad to be alone at new. At first, I had Georg and Fee. Than I had you. And… A blondy always getting on my nerves, but that I still miss now… Now, I got no one left for me. Nothing more than a fucking jerk called Melodia who'd turned completely crazy with her whole thing about Malpercio.

I mean, it's a god, alright, but a god of destruction. And, that's true, he gave me wings. Two white and perfect wings. But did he give me love or affection? He's not fond of me. And that's reciprocal. It makes me nervous to have him around, in this strange looking form. He's ugly. When I try to sleep, his presence makes me anxious. And when I wake up, I must tell the truth, I'm afraid. What if he comes out of his nap, this nap that'll make him whole again? And if he realised that I'm not the perfect soldier he wanted? The soldier who will do everything he's told and ordered.

I'm not that type, I never will. I do what I feel to be right for me. What I want to do. And I never do anything for nothing. Okay, forget that sentence, it's not always true. Otherwise, will I'd rescued Xhela? Man, I won't have let her die either, I'm not that bad! Why d'ya think?! Okay, okay no fuss, I must be as crazy as Melodia is to talk to myself like that. But it was so nice when Selene was there. Where are you now, my spirit? What are you doing? Did you loose everything and get back to your world? Do you miss me as I miss you?

Hell, I know, I've got no right to be missing her, it's me that push her away, but… It still hurt. And I still miss them all! Why does things have to be that hard? Huh?

-Kalas? Stop kidding and get out from your hiding place, I want to show you something.

I hate her voice. It gets on my nerves! I've done everything she asked that far only to get my wings. Now that I got them, you really think I'm still going to be her lil' pet? No way! I just need to sneak outta here and…

_Yes way… Now, spiriter, you'll be mine!_

-Wh..wh..What?!

There he was. Man, how could I be so stupid! Did I really think Malpercio would let me do as I please? He's not that vulnerable. Well, not when you're alone to face him. And so am I.

I was trying to escape the palace, but with all the empire's machina and guards, I couldn't without being noticed. And I didn't need to be noticed. Mostly not by HIM! Selene, were are you when I really need… Shit! It's true! It's me who pushed you away. I really am a bastard. Only thinking about myself. I hope you'll come back to me fast and soon. Safe and sound, I hope. Or I swear, I'll…

_You, coward, step back, you're facing my opulence!_

What is HE talking about? I don't understand what got me. The dark side really is strong, but I am that fragile? I thought that the gossips were far from me. That I could take everything. No one can hurt me with words. It's what I told to Xhela in Mira. What a shame. To be so overreacting and always defensive, it must be a proof of the contrary. I must be fragile to gossips, rumours and all that stuff. Or I won't be here, facing Malpercio's 'opulence'.

_I gave you your dreams, so now, you'll help me getting mines!_

But I was mistaking, I never dreamt of being in such a place, after having betrayed my only friends! I know HE don't care. I hope HE can't hear me, or I'll be in great danger. Siding with Malpercio can be almost more dangerous than siding against him. Man, Xhela and Selene way of thinking are getting into me!

-There you are Kalas! Come with me, my dear angel. We have some time for us now.

I hate this girl. I hate her voice, her hair, her way to talk, her ton, her…

_No, Kalas, you don't. You love her. And you'll be obedient to everything she'll tell you to do. She's my dearest servant and will be the queen of my reign of terror in this world. So be grateful and do as you're told!_

-But…

It's coming again. It's getting all over me. Nothing I can do to prevent it. The other me is here. All around. Inside. It makes me sick. He's going to make me do something awful, I'm sure. I wanna be myself! I wanna get out of here. She's not beautiful, I don't want to be manipulated, I wanna think by myself. Selene would have support me in getting out, you would have helped me getting out. If we got disagrees, we always ended by getting along after, anyway. Stop that noise, I…

Two arms are around my shoulders. White hair on my cheek. Her face in my neck. Her voice in my head. HIS voice. And I do as I'm told. No more choice. I've made the first step. Now, there's no way I can turn back. No way I wanna turn back. I'm on the good track to keep those wings. I don't want to loose those wings Or all those fights will come again. Of being a failure, of being 'un hearted'.

I must be un hearted to have pushed away all my friends. To have said all those things to my spirit. Selene. I'm sorry. If I could turn back time… Why did I make this mistake? It's human nature. I'm not even human, I'm made of a card! Dammit!

_Stop fighting, you're a failure and I made you perfect. Be my slave now. Be my fighter. Be my knight and love your saviour. You'll be saved from pain. You won't ever feel pain again. I'll give you paradise. In exchange, all I want is…_

My soul, if I got a soul, it must be what he wants, but I won't gave it to him, no I won't…

-Hug me tighter Kalas. It's cold today, don't you feel it too?

Melodia, you're not feeling weather. It's your heart that's cold. Because of him. Even me, I can't bring you back to world. To feelings. No, I can't, I'll never get to be able. How do you want me to save you if I wasn't even able to save myself?

-Kalas?

I hugged her as tight as I could without breaking her bones. She sighed, delighted. And I feel so great and so bad at the same time. Part of me wanted to push this further between us. And other part was disgusted. But if she ordered it, I'll do anything. Because I was under their power and that nothing could get me away from it. I was stuck there, in this hell. No more chance to be myself, ever again.

I'd only take the first step to damnation. But it was enough not to know how to come back. The first step to damnation is the first step in a hole. Then, you begin to fall, and you fell all over and over again. It never stops. When you think you have gone as far as you could, that you've reached the bottom, there they goes again and you're deeper, darker and slumber than ever. Wha… did I say slumber? It must be a mistake I wanted to say…

No, no, stop acting like if you were me, you're not. You nuts! I wanted to say slumber. Because as long as you're siding evil and as long as they ask you to do thing you never could have done before, they put you to sleep. They tore your consciousness apart, to make you in the good state to do anything they want you to do. And there I am, carrying Melodia in my arms. She was sleepy and wanted to go to bed. So I brought her to her room, hoping in the back of my head that it won't go farther. Because, if it did, I won't be able to control anything. I will have to do what she's asking or I'll loose my wings and…

What the fuck should I want to keep those wings any longer?! They're becoming a burden more than any handful. What should I do? I'm only thinking and rethinking things as the other me moved and deposed Melodia on her fluffy bed. She looks more naïve in her sleep. Maybe she's not that bad. I met with her when she was still a child. She looked nice and playful at that time. But now, she's so pale. So fragile. So…

What is that again? Stop, just STOP right there! What are you thinking, huh?! I can't like her. I can't do anything with her. I wanna be faithful, but not with her. How can I be faithful for anyone anyway?

Selene. If you can hear me, there's something I really wanted to tell you before. I never find out how to pull this thought. You know, Xhela… She's… Man, it's your fault if I feel like that about her, but still. Did you already know when you've asked me to save her? The first time, in Perkhad. Were we meant to fall in love, or is it just my mind that's playing trick on me? I know, this is not a time for this. And I know, you can't hear me, but… Well, I don't think I'll be able to tell everything about it if we ever get back together.

Now, Melodia's mumbling in her sleep. She's doing a nightmare. Malpercio sleeping to. But I think he's happier than Melodia, because I feel warm in my chest. A warmth that doesn't come from anywhere. Well, I think it's Him who's sending me it. Maybe. How could I know. It's a got and me, I'm only a stupid little mortal with white wings.

And when I think about it, I'm sad. I'd love my wing. I mean, the only wing I had. It was cool, with its grey, dark and purple shades. It was original. My wing was special, because she was unique. Is it better to be unique to have a meaning, sometimes? And some other, to be a group, a bunch of things?

I should stop asking myself questions I can't answer. I should go and train somewhere. I can't show that I know I've been wrong. It's just unfair. Having been on this path for so long and to realise only in the end that I was wrong all along. I… I…

Dammit! I didn't choose to be born that way. Then, is it my fault to be where I am now? Is there something out there, in your world maybe, Selene, called destiny, that means that there's only one way things can be and that we, mere humans, we're only thinking about lies when we talk about as if and…stuff? Because, if it's true, that's not fair! How can we live if there's only one way things can be, huh? Where is our choice in that? Can we change of path in the middle of it? Should I try to get away now, or wait, doing like if I was right?

Xhela will come to tell me I'm doing the wrong thing. She'd always been there for this, since the beginning. Now, she's not. And you're not. What am I suppose to do?

I'll look stupid if I come back now! And anyway, I can't! There's a god holding me back, a god! How am I…

Shit. I'm just mumbling over myself. I'm starting to act like Llyude. He always wanted to be accepted by everyone and therefore, he tried to be like everyone else. No, even him, he won't go that far. I wanted to be like everyone. And I didn't care how many people I could hurt in the process of getting to be accepted by the world. Because world had hurt me too deep and too much. Then, I've hurt myself. I've done thing I couldn't done for anything else. I've hurt you.

I'm sorry. I should walk on my pride and come back now, before it's to late to be taken back in the team. If I wait and fight everyone, they'll kill me. I'll be exiled, more lonely than ever.

I'm sorry Selene. I should…

-Kalas! What are you thinking! Shouted Melodia, suddenly.

-Huh? Wh…what? I was lost in my thoughts and didn't see anything came.

_My knight wants to betray his master?! How dare he? Poor little thing, it should have known better. Now, you're going to know what it is to be the cause of my wrath!_

-Kalas! Don't leave me now! I need your help.

-But…

I was going to talk when the pain get over me. It was the first time I feel it. I began to shake. Without being able to stop myself. I had no control on my body. My limbs began to move in way they never could normally. My stomach growled in protest and I think that my bones were going to break. But then, my wings came out of my back, shining and I fell on the ground, with haze in my mind. What was it in front of me? A person? A girl? White hair? Melodia? Who was Melodia?

My mind was being erased. Stocked somewhere else. A voice in my head, remnants of yours Selene, began to fade away. I tried to call it back. I didn't want her to go. Memories were the only things I got left from you and the group. And they were going away.

-No, don't…

-It's alright Kalas. Your body's perfect. Then, your mind must be perfect too. And as you're made of a card, no need to reformat your soul.

-Wh… what?

_I've told you. You've banned your guardian spirit and now, I'm going to take your soul away, as you don't need it anymore. _

I tried to fight back, I did everything I could. But there was nothing I could do. I was loosing everything again. For the last time. I was loosing my knowledge of you. My feelings, my thoughts, their pictures. Xhela. Even Xhela didn't stand this treatment. I felt empty, loose. It was the end. I knew only one thing after that. My name. The pain. The anger. Rumours and gossips told over me. My heart was empty, weak. Even if that was so, I thought I was invincible. But I wasn't. I was everything but that. There was only one thing in the world to make me invincible. And it was you. Selene. My guardian. And you were gone.

I'm sorry. For everything I've done and everything I've not done. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

-The end-

Guess what, my spirit name was Selene! And it's still it in BKO (baten kaitos origin) With this said, let's say five hoorays for namco and a big thank you to everyone who'll review. Reviews!


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